Monster of the womb

The silent screams of the fractured reality from the womb

The silent screams with this cramping and the fractured reality with this stretched pain is same as the pelvic pain in pregnancy. The pain of pelvic pain is so difficult to experience after seven months I am wondering how it would be on the last of the pregnancy. Unfortunately I will never feel it till my death.

It seems very difficult that pregnancy is hectic because of the pain but what is hard when you realize that is hard when you realize that the hectic pain is not going to be happening again. And I know pregnancy is very hard inside these walls and with this hectic pain but you would never know and will never feel how it felt within the blazing fires of the terrifying sounds of cannon.

“My pregnancy started when the war begin, for three months it was too difficult to survive with my cute three months baby inside my womb but the war had decided this is never feel this again and you will lose the little cute soon. Three months ahead I experienced the cannons and bullets every day. There wasn’t not a peaceful night for me, whatever I imagined, was completely opposite. My husband died at hospital when the enemies fired a long range missile on the hospital. When I came to knew that Dr James William, my husband has been killed in the attack on the hospital last night when he was operating a C-section surgery. The pain which felt at the night was hard then due to this little charms’ inside my womb. “The melody of the pain never matched every day and night, the pain I experienced due to my husband death was more then I experienced.

Honey know you are never gonna know about this bad news but right after your attack on the hospital we were hit with the same long range ad my eyes opened in the hospital bad. When I overcome the anesthesia for which the doctors was waiting, they told me “we are really sorry but we couldn’t make it happen” I asked what are you talking about, when, I looked to the unborn baby it wasn’t in my womb I rustle asked where is the baby.

“It is difficult to say that your baby is no more in this world. The clot in the baby’s brain makes it worse for the baby to survive due to that injury the baby got during the attack which had been killed the baby half but we tried to make for the baby even if the baby would have make it the baby would be abnormal for life time. After all it was your seventh of the pregnancy and it would be a pre mature birth although we looked into another way but the operation was completely impossible we tried several ways but the baby could not make it. On the behalf of our team and hospital we are really sorry for your lose stay safe!”

Honey, there’s no one in this emergency room who can truly notice my pain. It’s not the kind of pain I told you about at the beginning, when I said, “The stretching pain and cramping are hectic,” and you just grabbed me in your arms and kissed me softly on the lips.

This first pregnancy has been so overwhelming, and yet you held me close again, pulling me near to your chest. The way you played with my hair and encourage me, saying, “This is as easy as playing with your hair,” made it all feel lighter. But neither the pregnancy for me nor the romance for you was as easy as it seemed.

I know you felt it too, despite working two nights straight before bringing me here. I ruined your rest time, and I’ve known that from the very beginning, I miss you!

Let me tell you something. Every night, the baby comes to me in my dreams, calling me “Mama” in whispers and rustling sounds that overwhelm me with strange and unsettling thoughts. The baby says, “I will destroy your world and will never let it be peaceful.”

Honey, hearing this wasn’t the most painful part. What truly hurt was seeing the baby’s face—it was terrifying. It wasn’t the face of our little charm; it was a monster.

The blood on the baby’s face reflected you, honey. The monster said, “I can only be destroyed through your womb. The wire connecting us—you must cut it to destroy me. I am your blood, and I can only be destroyed if you sever me.”

I know that if it were you, you’d never make the choice I made in my dreams. But I did. I killed the monster baby by detaching it from my womb. I cried; I wiped my tears, but no one noticed my pain. The agony inside and outside my chest was another story altogether.

The monster told me, “If I come into the world, I will destroy everything.” I knew it was just a dream, but in that dream, I killed the monster baby.

When I woke up, I realized it wasn’t all my fault. It wasn’t my mistake. I didn’t kill our little charm. Even if the charm had survived, there would have been no peace for him in this cruel, blood-soaked world.

The charm might have turned into a monster here, shaped by the horrors of this war. He would never have understood true humanity. It would have been like living in a sea of blood, surrounded by lifeless bodies.

It was better this way—for him and for all of us. This pain is a fractured reality, and I must accept it, no matter how much it hurts—even more than the pelvic pain I endured.

Perhaps it was better for the charm not to have me. Maybe I wouldn’t have been good enough for him.

I’m sorry, honey, and I wish you both to stay in peace. I miss you every day and every night.

Goodbye.

Monster of the Womb

A mother’s painful journey through war, grief, and shattered dreams. This emotional post explores the loss of a child during pregnancy, the death of a beloved husband, and the haunting nightmares that blur reality with guilt. A raw, intimate reflection on what it means to suffer in silence and why sometimes, letting go is the only path toward peace.

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This post tells the heartbreaking story of a woman whose pregnancy unfolded amid war and personal tragedy. As she battled through pelvic pain and the chaos of conflict, she lost both her husband and her unborn child to the violence. Haunted by nightmares of a monstrous version of her baby, she wrestles with grief, guilt, and the fear that bringing life into such a cruel world would have only led to more suffering. Her story is a devastating reflection on war, motherhood, and the acceptance of loss as a painful mercy.